Conventional wisdom tells us there is something to be learned from our conflicts. In the heat of disagreements though, it seems that the lessons are not very clear. We may tend to lose our ‘cool’ along with the wherewithal to be intentional and focus on the lessons in front of us, like preventing negative outcomes that will linger indefinitely.
What learning from a conflict are you aiming to focus on with intention?
The expense of conflict is the high price we pay for challenging people near and dear to us. It is the loss we experience in inner peace for taking our differences to places they don’t belong. It is the amount of tension we experience and cause for not actively managing our conflicts in ways that reflect the importance of connection.
What price are you paying for a conflict happening in your life?
Some situations are infuriating. We become angry at the other person, even when it’s the circumstances that upset us. We may have trouble separating the person from the problem at these times though sometimes, of course, she or he is saying hurtful things and acting in obnoxious ways that compound the situation. It’s a good idea to distinguish what is angering us.
How much is it the circumstance and not the person affecting you in a conflict?
One reason we avoid conflict is due to fears we are experiencing. Examples are the fear of losing things we value such as face, control, the relationship, self-respect, our reputation, hard won success, and something else important to us. We may have other fears, too, that impede our ability to effectively engage in conflict. Often there is no grounding in reality for our fears and even when the fear is real we might blow it out of proportion.
Which of your fears about a conflict are grounded in reality?
Some of us are more charitable than others when we consider the many ways we have to give to one another, to share, to support, to help and so on. Being clear and asking for clarity when in conflict are forms of charity, too. These acts require us to be selfless, compassionate and humble.
In what ways could you be more charitable in a conflict you are having?
