It is an understatement to say cursing is not a very useful way of communicating in conflict. Yet, the tendency to swear emerges for some of us in the heat of the moment and often with an intensity and decibel that triggers off more conflict.

With what may you replace curse words when in conflict?

In the middle of a conflict we often lose our ability to think clearly. We say and do things that could only be considered uncaring and thoughtless. At times, our reactions seem to be mostly retaliatory and impulsive – though not necessarily consciously so.

What does it take for you to be careful and thoughtful in the middle of conflict?

Sometimes we have an idea that we are reticent to share because we expect it will lead to a conflict. We may test it indirectly by making a suggestion in passing with hopes we won’t get push back. When our testing approach does not land well it’s time to consider how else to raise the matter without unnecessary conflict.

How may you test your potentially conflictual idea without it being a test?

When what we want to express in a conflict comes out in a loud voice, chances are the words are not heard well. The intent gets lost amidst the noise and only the echo of the tone and decibel of our voices are heard.

If you tend to speak loudly when upset, how might you control that in order to be better heard?

When we are angry at another person due to a conflict it’s difficult to hold in what we are feeling. At these times our emotions may be displayed in ways that hurt the other person while also hurting the relationship. However, letting the other person know the impact of our conflict and what they said or did is important. Most of us face such a dilemma – and in the minute do not always respond in a way that serves us well.

How might you express your anger while suppressing what unnecessarily hurts the other person and yourself?