We learn how to catch as youngsters. It’s a huge feat when our little hands grasp the first baseball or other object someone throws at us. As adults we have the same ability, but at this stage we have the ability to catch ourselves from saying and doing things that we know – at some level of consciousness – are lethal. When we catch ourselves in these instances, we may even experience a sense we have accomplished a feat – having overcome a tendency to react and conduct ourselves in ways that we later regret.

How might you catch yourself from saying and doing things that you are likely to regret?

We have choices about whether and when to interact in a conflict dynamic. We also have choices about how and who we want to be. Sometimes, heat of the moment experiences challenge this thinking – that we are at choice. However, choosing to believe we are at  choice is a more powerful and real belief than believing we are not in charge of ourselves.

How do you choose to be in a conflict you are in?

Standing up for ourselves in some conflicts can be a huge challenge depending on the person and circumstances. Not doing so often leads to lingering self-talk that we are weak and lack courage to assert our perspective. It is likely that most of the time our ability to stand up for ourselves is actually strong and for some reason we are choosing to believe we are not capable.

What ability to stand up for yourself are you not acknowledging regarding a conflict you are experiencing?

Picking on others inevitably leads to conflict of various sorts. Yet, some people thrive on interacting in ways that put others down and creating the conflict that ensues. This form of bullying, however, is really a cowardly way of trying to be powerful.

How are people actually perceived as powerless when they pick on others?

Many of us have fears about conflict. And many of those fears are based more on our imagination than reality. Our histories and experiences affect what we carry around including those which result in a resistance that fuels our fears and adds to the negative dynamic.

What fears are not real about a conflict you are resisting?