Self-blame, like guilt, can be a useless sentiment unless we learn from it. After all, it ends up being a waste of time to be hard on ourselves and fret over doing and saying things we cannot do over.
What is there to learn from something you are blaming yourself for that you will not repeat it?
When our interpersonal conflicts arouse feelings in us, anger is commonly expressed. However, other emotions – such as disappointment, hurt, disgust, shock, betrayal and others – reflect different ways we are affected, and an identification of them often warrants further reflection.
What are three emotions you are experiencing about a conflict?
After a conflict some of us hope the other person will apologize to us. When one is not forthcoming we may experience renewed resentment. The apparent resolution of the conflict may no longer feel satisfying.
How might you reconcile a conflict without it requiring an apology?
The circumstances of our conflicts are our stories to tell. However, in the sharing we often say what we wished we had said. We might even lie – by omission or otherwise. It is not always clear why we change some truths and choose to live by an alternative narrative. It may be to justify ourselves, or leave out how we played a part, or make ourselves feel better, or look better in others’ eyes.
What truth are you denying about a conflict story?
Sometimes we put a metaphorical band aid on our conflicts – trying to cover up the wound and hoping it will heal. Band aiding serves as a temporary solution but many conflict wounds require a lot more care, attention and treatment that acknowledges how deep the hurt really is.
How are you band aiding a conflict that requires more care?
