The circumstances of our conflicts are our stories to tell. However, in the sharing we often say what we wished we had said. We might even lie – by omission or otherwise. It is not always clear why we change some truths and choose to live by an alternative narrative. It may be to justify ourselves, or leave out how we played a part, or make ourselves feel better, or look better in others’ eyes.

What truth are you denying about a conflict story?

Sometimes we put a metaphorical band aid on our conflicts – trying to cover up the wound and hoping it will heal. Band aiding serves as a temporary solution but many conflict wounds require a lot more care, attention and treatment that acknowledges how deep the hurt really is.

How are you band aiding a conflict that requires more care?

Some conflicts lead to a breakdown and break-up of the relationship. In some cases, severing the ties in these ways is the optimal outcome. In others the results are devastating – leading to enormous regrets and loss. And in both cases we much later may look back and question the reasons and necessity of ending a connection that meant a lot to us at one time.

In what ways will severing ties due to a conflict you are having not be the optimal outcome?

Being humble is one of those traits that stands us in a good stead when a conflict begins to emerge or has already evolved. Humility entails, among other things, being open, curious, un-blaming, thoughtful, flexible and non-judgmental. It is also about not having to be right or have all the answers.

How will you be humble in a conflict you are having?

Sometimes there are situations that lead us to anticipate that a conflict will erupt. The more we think of this happening the more we may add to the possibility. This might be by the defensive or other stance we portray – physically or emotionally.

What stance may you take – rather than one of negative expectancy – regarding a situation you have in mind?