Sometimes in conflict we determine the other person’s perspective as ‘nonsense’. Perhaps, it isn’t ‘nonsense’. That is, something that seems to be ‘nonsense’ to us likely makes sense to the other person. Asking for clarity on her or his point of view and ensuring the other person understands our viewpoint might make more sense. Or, trying to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes may help before we ask.

If you put yourself in the other person’s shoes about what occurred between you in a recent conflict, what makes sense to you that didn’t before?

Call me an idealist but I wonder sometimes if the word proflict (as it applies to interpersonal conflict) was used rather than conflict  if we would see our arguments, fights, etc.  as more positive. From wherever the negative connotations of conflict derived it has been perpetrated over time, and many  of us have fears and challenges with the idea of viewing conflict as an opportunity to have conciliatory and normal conversation to resolve our differences. Power, a need to be right and win, and strongly held views and emotions appear to be some of the factors militating against this perspective.

How might you approach a conflict in positive ways?

Sometimes we use an expression like “clearing the air” to describe actions after a conflict which are aimed at removing lingering tension. The phrase is an interesting visual and one that requires mutual agreement about what clear air will look like, be like and feel like between us.

What will clearing the air be like for you and the other person about a lingering conflict?

Bringing up a difficult issue that we expect will upset the other person can be unsettling. We may bring it up – as in vomit – with all the distaste that implies. Or, we may choose to carefully and thoughtfully raise the issue – as in holding it high and acknowledging its importance.

How do you best receive difficult issues that might also work when delivering them?