Many of us do not view interpersonal conflict as necessary. Yet, voicing our perspectives and discovering where others are coming from – even when it’s disparate from our place and space – is necessary for developing and sustaining connection, if that’s important to us.
What makes a current conflict you are involved in necessary – for both you and the other person?
Some conflicts stick to us. Or maybe it’s really that we cling to them. We have trouble getting over things the other person said – or the things we said. The scenarios we replay often get distorted along the way and we may even cling to those inaccurate memories as though they are real.
How may you un-cling from a conflict you are clinging to?
Interpersonal conflict disrupts inner peace and peace in our relationships. We lose connection and the sense that things will be okay despite our differences. It can be disheartening and disappointing and fear-provoking to feel disconnected. Waiting till a conflict is ostensibly over is sometimes too late to extend peace-making gestures.
What peace-making gestures before a conflict evolves may have a more meaningful impact?
When in conflict we often ask questions that serve no useful purpose. Some examples are: Why did you do that? What’s wrong with you? Who do you think you are? I don’t know what answers we actually expect the other person to provide, and more often than not, our questions are rhetorical, blameful and hurtful.
What questions might you ask that more effectively invite answers to help you understand the situation and other person?
Remember the phrase ‘say what you mean and mean what you say’? The thing is, sometimes things slip out and we realize we let our impulses take over. Other times we say something that is misinterpreted and we didn’t mean any harm. In either case, we can easily hurt others and be hurt with ‘mean-ness’, and the conflict becomes one of explaining ourselves while not always acknowledging the impact.
How may you mean what you say in a conflict without being mean?
