There are times when we become angry or feel other emotions regarding a conflict that we displace onto other people and situations. That is, we may take out our emotions on another person, or on an unrelated and less poignant issue. Somehow we are reticent to explore what is really upsetting or offending us.

If you are displacing your anger, what is really going on for you that you are reluctant to face?

Often when things provoke us we react without thought. We say hurtful and retaliatory things. And we seem to feel justified in fighting fire with fire. The results are lethal burning for both of us.

With what else may we fight fire that is not lethal?

Have you ever had someone comment on the look on your face as the sure sign you are angry? For many, such looks say it all and it feels like a clear message, such as “don’t mess with me”. As with our conflict voices, there is a lot of power in our facial language and it can shut down communications and have a negative impact on the relationship.

What look do you display that can shut down a conversation?

When we are in conflict many of us take on a voice that has a distinct tone, decibel, intonation, etc. Those who know us recognize it and it alone can be enough to escalate the dissension. We may not even be aware of the power of our conflict voice or its impact.

How does your conflict voice affect others?

Some of us are more comfortable than others at reaching out after a conflict. Timing, feeling ready, courage and other factors determine when and whether to initiate a clarifying and mending conversation with the other person.

What needs to be in place for you to reach out to the other person in a conflict you are having or have had?