The visual of a spiral when referring to conflict can be a daunting sight and we may see ourselves caught in it, whether we are spiralling up or down. Spiralling down implies things are taking a route that deflates us but leads to nothingness. Spiralling up implies things whirl upwards – growing bigger and out of control.
How might you make a conflict you are in not spiral in either direction?
Many metaphors are used to describe interpersonal conflict and our reactions. Some relate to war (shooting someone down), animals (the elephant in the room), and even food (peeling back an onion). These and others provide idiomatic expressions that are useful for redefining our conflicts, the other person, and ourselves within the dynamic.
What metaphor describes a conflict you are engaged in or your experience within it?
When we anticipate dissension we often brace ourselves in ways that don’t really help the dynamic. It seems at these times we are on the defensive and even have tunnel vision about our expectations. This often means we remain closed to the positive possibilities that may emerge if we relax into the discord and develop a more positive mindset.
What positive possibilities may emerge from the dissension you are experiencing about a conflict?
When someone objects to our perspective we equate it with rejection. That is, we equate the intent and experience them as one and the same. Maybe, it’s the way the viewpoint is said or it’s our inability to hear the real intent. In either case, another’s objection of our opinion is often experienced as a rejection of us – not our viewpoint.
If someone is objecting to your perspective, what do you know for sure that she or he is also rejecting about you?
Though we don’t always admit it, many of us experience shame when in conflict. We may be embarrassed or ashamed about what we said or did or didn’t say or do. We may also feel shame when the other person lets us know our actions, words and attitude are perceived in ways that do not align with our self-image.
How are you experiencing shame about a conflict?
