The thing about perceptions is that we usually come to believe them as true. This is especially the case when the same sorts of actions of others are repeated and continue to annoy us. Our perceptions, often fuelled by assumptions, become increasingly real to us so that it’s hard to change our thinking and feeling about the situation and the person in it.
In what ways may your perceptions about another person not be the reality?
Some of us prefer to let a conflict take its course. This might translate into not doing anything about it as it emerges, but rather waiting for it to defuse. Sometimes this seems to work better than other times, especially when unresolved issues and emotions linger.
What has doing nothing achieved in a conflict you have experienced?
Negative emotions due to our reactions typically preclude us from thinking creatively about possible solutions to a conflict. However, effective conflict management is about finding ways to step back and get to a place of reflection. It is not an easy or straightforward transition, and it does not mean denying that we feel strongly about matters.
On reflection, what might be some creative ways to resolve matters between you and the other person regarding a current conflict?
The visual of a spiral when referring to conflict can be a daunting sight and we may see ourselves caught in it, whether we are spiralling up or down. Spiralling down implies things are taking a route that deflates us but leads to nothingness. Spiralling up implies things whirl upwards – growing bigger and out of control.
How might you make a conflict you are in not spiral in either direction?
Many metaphors are used to describe interpersonal conflict and our reactions. Some relate to war (shooting someone down), animals (the elephant in the room), and even food (peeling back an onion). These and others provide idiomatic expressions that are useful for redefining our conflicts, the other person, and ourselves within the dynamic.
What metaphor describes a conflict you are engaged in or your experience within it?
