Negative emotions due to our reactions typically preclude us from thinking creatively about possible solutions to a conflict. However, effective conflict management is about finding ways to step back and get to a place of reflection. It is not an easy or straightforward transition, and it does not mean denying that we feel strongly about matters.
On reflection, what might be some creative ways to resolve matters between you and the other person regarding a current conflict?
The visual of a spiral when referring to conflict can be a daunting sight and we may see ourselves caught in it, whether we are spiralling up or down. Spiralling down implies things are taking a route that deflates us but leads to nothingness. Spiralling up implies things whirl upwards – growing bigger and out of control.
How might you make a conflict you are in not spiral in either direction?
Many metaphors are used to describe interpersonal conflict and our reactions. Some relate to war (shooting someone down), animals (the elephant in the room), and even food (peeling back an onion). These and others provide idiomatic expressions that are useful for redefining our conflicts, the other person, and ourselves within the dynamic.
What metaphor describes a conflict you are engaged in or your experience within it?
When we anticipate dissension we often brace ourselves in ways that don’t really help the dynamic. It seems at these times we are on the defensive and even have tunnel vision about our expectations. This often means we remain closed to the positive possibilities that may emerge if we relax into the discord and develop a more positive mindset.
What positive possibilities may emerge from the dissension you are experiencing about a conflict?
When someone objects to our perspective we equate it with rejection. That is, we equate the intent and experience them as one and the same. Maybe, it’s the way the viewpoint is said or it’s our inability to hear the real intent. In either case, another’s objection of our opinion is often experienced as a rejection of us – not our viewpoint.
If someone is objecting to your perspective, what do you know for sure that she or he is also rejecting about you?
