It may seem a good thing to take a conflict off the rails that it is moving along. However, derailing it may make it worse. We may lose control of the journey it is meant to be on and take its essence to a place it doesn’t belong. Whereas letting a conflict travel the rail it started on might help us better understand the route and buy the ticket that safely gets us to a destination we both want.

What about this metaphor resonates for you and a conflict you are in?

Yes, interpersonal conflict can take a lot out of us and even threaten the relationship. Once our energy and good faith gets depleted at these times, the way back seems plodding and often hopeless. We lose the notion that there’s something positive to be gained from the conflict and one another, or that we have the ability to make it happen.

What potentially good thing is there that you will make happen from a conflict you are in?

Many of us have “best” practices we use when in conflict – at least, they seem to be the best at the time. However, we realize that using approaches that are “tried and true” does not mean they will always be the best practice for each situation and person. Adapting is, in the end, the core competency.

What adaptations to your usual proven practices may be more suitable for a current conflict you are in?

Though we talk about the importance of listening when in conflict, many of us turn the volume down and do not actually hear the words and sentiments being expressed. The strength of emotions behind what is being said often predominates but does not make hearing the content any easier.

How may you best help yourself to listen and hear?

At times, we can become embroiled in our conflicts to a point that may be described as “over the top”. We appear obsessed with the injustice of the other person’s actions and we wear the related emotions on our sleeves.

If this happens to you, what typically takes over your being that may be described as “over the top”?