Just as it is important to be prepared for potential conflict (see Being Prepared for Potential Conflict), it is also important to be careful and thoughtful about how we respond to pushback. That is, we may, at times, put more thought into what we will convey and not enough into how we will receive and respond to negative reactions in ways that do not precipitate unnecessary conflict. It is double-edged – receiving and responding – and they are core competencies in developing conflict intelligence.

How will you receive and respond to pushback of the messages you plan to convey as to not precipitate unnecessary conflict?

There are loads of things in life that many of us have the luxury to carefully prepare for – meals, all sorts of social events, travel, study, work assignments, purchasing houses or other assets, celebrations, death, funerals and so on. However, many of us do not prepare for difficult conversations. Rather, we often leap into them without thought. We don’t consider what we hope to achieve, how we will soften a tough message and protect others’ feelings, and so on.

How might you best prepare to convey a tough message?

In some households, workplaces, Boards, communities and so on the lack of peaceful relationships takes an enormous toll on those involved and others around us, too. We may crave peace but feel helpless to know how to build it. We may realize that doing nothing when conflict evolves is a useless exercise, but it also means we are contributing to peacelessness.

In what ways do you think you may contribute to or increase peacefulness in your home or workplace?

Some couples, families and work teams state – with apparent pride – “we never fight”. However, this may translate into a lack of acceptance that conflict is normal and that fighting for or over things important to us is part of the human condition. Knowing what others need and want to authentically connect over differences makes it more possible we will reach such an acceptance.

In what ways do you not accept conflict?

When we decide to go on a holiday, to a movie, or do something else on impulse, we more often than not enjoy the spontaneous decision. The same principle doesn’t usually apply to our reactions in conflict though. Rather, our impulsive words, attitudes and actions are often repulsive and not memories we smile about.

How might you be less impulsive when it comes to conflict?