Sometimes people who strive to become more conflict intelligent ask something to the effect: “What happens if I change and manage conflict effectively, but the other person still wants to battle it out like we used to?”
How might you manage such a situation if this happens for you?
We often think of being in conflict as a situation in which we and another person are at odds. However, we may be provoked by the other person and not let her or him know. We are still in conflict – forming attributions, experiencing discord, and other internal thoughts and feelings that affect us and the relationship.
If you are experiencing internal conflict with someone, what choices do you have to manage that situation in a conflict intelligent way?
We alone are responsible for how we interact. We own our reactions, our judgments, our emotions, our expectations and our hopes. Sometimes though, we respond in ways that reflect instead our denial or refusal to accept our contribution.
How are you contributing to a conflict that you are not owning?
Just as it is important to be prepared for potential conflict (see Being Prepared for Potential Conflict), it is also important to be careful and thoughtful about how we respond to pushback. That is, we may, at times, put more thought into what we will convey and not enough into how we will receive and respond to negative reactions in ways that do not precipitate unnecessary conflict. It is double-edged – receiving and responding – and they are core competencies in developing conflict intelligence.
How will you receive and respond to pushback of the messages you plan to convey as to not precipitate unnecessary conflict?
There are loads of things in life that many of us have the luxury to carefully prepare for – meals, all sorts of social events, travel, study, work assignments, purchasing houses or other assets, celebrations, death, funerals and so on. However, many of us do not prepare for difficult conversations. Rather, we often leap into them without thought. We don’t consider what we hope to achieve, how we will soften a tough message and protect others’ feelings, and so on.
How might you best prepare to convey a tough message?
