The importance of liking ourselves as a basic law of attraction is likely an indisputable premise. However, during conflicts we sometimes act in ways that embarrass us. It seems we have trouble restraining our words and actions at times and forget we have a choice to do so. The memory of our behaviours often weighs on us and we end up not liking ourselves for how we acted or what we said.

What will you do next time you are in a conflict that you will like about yourself?

Though having conflict with those we live and work with is a normal part of life, the way through it can present huge challenges. The thing is, most of us are able to find our way through even the bramble and dark clouds. When you think about it, it is, among other things, a matter of staying mindful of what we want to feel and what we want for the relationship when all is said and done.

What will help you stay aware of what you want to feel about yourself and your relationship to be able to find your way through a conflict?

It sometimes happens that after a conflict is ostensibly over, we pretend everything is alright. And yet, we continue to feel upset, resentment, despair and other negative by-products of unresolved issues and emotions. We may act as though things are reconciled and figure that eventually it will all pass. The remnants, however, often reappear in different forms.

What are you pretending to be resolved about a conflict that is not?

Being in a conflict with another person often immerses us in complex dynamics. There are many layers including our individual and collective histories, our needs, our hopes, our expectations, our emotions and so on. Stepping back is both a physical and figurative description for gaining some distance. Doing so often helps us also gain perspective and to cool down.

If you step back from a conflict you are in, what will you see that you are not able to view close up?

Making up after a conflict can be as phony or beautiful as facial make up depending on the person and situation. Sometimes it covers what’s underneath; sometimes it makes unattractive pretty; and other times it makes pretty unattractive.

How might you ensure making up is authentic regarding a conflict you have had?