It seems when we stand up for ourselves when in conflict we can get puffed up with our rightness and righteousness. By doing so, we are making the other person wrong. However, she or he is also reacting with perceptions of what is right from her or his perspective.
What does having to be right achieve?
Sometimes we have trouble bouncing back after a conflict. We ruminate about what we or the other person said or did, what we wished we had said or did, the uselessness we feel about what occurred and so on. We realize these aftereffects are not helpful for our well-being and the relationship with the other person.
What does it take for you to bounce back after conflict?
Blaming the other person when we are in conflict is a game of folly. There is nothing to be gained except perhaps the temporary satisfaction of thinking we are not responsible for being part of the conflict.
What part are you playing in a conflict?
It sometimes happens when in conflict that our journey takes us up the ‘high road’. While it works at times to deflect the interaction, this route can be perceived as patronizing. In those cases being on a ‘high road’ may serve to provoke the other person and hinder the possibility of resolving matters. We may be asked, “Just who do you think you are?”
Which road may best achieve the sort of outcome you are wanting?
Until we learn new conflict habits to replace our destructive ones, we will miss the chance to get what we need – and what the other person needs – to live and work compatibly and in peace. Identifying which of our habits preclude this takes honesty and courage – and changing requires willingness to do so.
What conflict habits will you change?
