Seeing ‘the other person’ in our conflicts as a ‘partner’ in a discord may help its process and resolution be more of a joint effort – for the good of us both. After all, we share the discomfort and tension, and we are together responsible for the disconnect between us.

How does seeing the other person as a partner in the conflict help things in a conflict you are in?

At some point after a conflict we realize we want to mend the lingering feelings of hurt, despair, disappointment and so on. The idea of mending post-conflict, among other things,  translates into getting things back to where they were in the relationship. However, there are times when mending seems to be a difficult and an unrealistic outcome given what has transpired. And efforts may be experienced as ‘too little too late’.

How might you prevent future conflicts from being difficult and unrealistic to mend?

Some interpersonal conflicts go on and on. Sometimes they seem to become an endless display of infantile behaviour, blame, ongoing resentment and gossip – all of which perpetuate a non-stop cycle of misery.

How will you stop yourself from veering towards a cycle of misery?

Our siblings, friends, children, co-workers, staff and others with whom we share our lives learn from observing and interacting with us just as we learn from our experiences with them. This includes how we interact when in conflict. Some learning is productive. Some is shameful.

What is the legacy you want to pass on about how you engage in conflict?

We don’t usually see how we look and act when in conflict. The only mirror in front of us is the other person who often reflects how we are acting. However, we may not realize that if we shift how we are being to be more positive, we have the ability to also affect the course of the conflict and the relationship more positively.

In what ways might you change your actions in a conflict to hold up a more positive mirror for the other person to reflect?