When we are angry at another person due to a conflict it’s difficult to hold in what we are feeling. At these times our emotions may be displayed in ways that hurt the other person while also hurting the relationship. However, letting the other person know the impact of our conflict and what they said or did is important. Most of us face such a dilemma – and in the minute do not always respond in a way that serves us well.

How might you express your anger while suppressing what unnecessarily hurts the other person and yourself?

Tension and discord appear to excite some people who thrive on the energy it creates. That is, those who enjoy conflict do not usually see it as negative or destructive, and may view conflictual interactions as a chance to share and debate strongly-held opinions. Sometimes though that approach  is one-sided and others consider the experience to be daunting and difficult.

If you like conflict as a way to debate and engage, how do you know the other person does too?

When any of us begin to experience acrimony about something another person is saying or doing, the seeds of inner conflict begin to grow. Essentially, it takes only one of us to be in conflict, even if we are doing so only in our heads and hearts. At these times we are usually in better control of our thoughts and feelings then when things escalate. So, we have a choice early on to gain perspective, and approach dissension before it emerges in destructive ways.

What are you thinking or feeling about another person or situation that you may manage rather than let it escalate?

Some conflicts stay with us for long periods and prey on our minds and hearts in ways that are destructive. In these circumstances, we seem to have trouble letting go of our negative thoughts and feelings of blame, hurt, remorse and so on. The ability to let go appears to be limited at these times, though we likely have the ability. Often it is our readiness and willingness to do so that impedes us.

What are you able to let go of about a conflict that you are holding onto?

It may seem counterintuitive to consider there is magic in conflict. However,  insights gained during conflict or on reflection carry their own type of magic. For instance, we often experience magical moments when we realize and face the actual crux of a situation, when we get past what seemed to be a stalemate, when we acknowledge our part of a conflict, when we let go of acrimony, and when we reconcile our differences in mutually satisfactory ways.

What magical possibilities may you make happen in a conflict you are involved in?