art work by John Ceprano
CINERGY (tm) - Peacebuilding... one person at a time

Feeling or Being Understood in Conflict

In this summer time while I am taking some holidays, please find below the seventh most popular blog from 2016. If you are inclined, please provide your comments on why you think this one was so well-received.


In the middle of an interpersonal conflict some of us do not feel we are understood, and that may be the case. However, it may also be that we are being understood. That is, the other person may understand our perspective but we don’t actually believe she or he emotionally relates to our experience, viewpoint and needs. This may be why there is a conflict in the first place. Or, such a dynamic might perpetuate the tension and negatively impact the relationship and the outcome.

If you are not feeling understood, check out the questions from this week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog and see if anything shifts in your reflections on this topic.

  • What is the conflict about?
  • What do you think the other person understands about your perspective?
  • What do you think the other person doesn’t understand about your perspective?
  • What do you think she or he understands about your feelings regarding the situation?
  • What do you think she or he doesn’t understand about your feelings regarding the situation?
  • What is most important to you that you want the other person to understand about you?
  • What difference will it make if she or he understands that (your answer to the previous question)?
  • What would the other person need to say or do for you to feel you are understood?
  • If you asked the person to understand what is most important to you about the conflict between you, what would that sound like?
  • If you asked her or him to understand the impact on you, what words would you use?
  • What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
  • What insights do you have?

Originally posted May 10, 2016

This entry was posted in Conflict Coaching, Conflict Management Coaching. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *