We often talk about walking in the other person’s shoes as a way of understanding where they are coming from and gaining empathy along the way. It’s one of those pat phrases that seems to make sense. Think about it though. Other peoples’ shoes may be too big or small for us; they may only have 1 foot; their feet may turn in or out in ways that cause discomfort for those who step into them; and so on.

How might we understand where the other person is coming from even when their shoes don’t fit us?

Imagine a huge beautifully coloured fabric covering your conflict. Or, think of an enormous umbrella keeping you and the other person safe from a storm. Or perhaps, visualize a treehouse sitting high up in a person-made oak tree overlooking a calm ocean, where you both can share your perspectives respectfully and peacefully.

What picture may you paint about your conflict that will make its resolution more peaceful and a joint effort?

Sometimes during an interpersonal conflict we sound like we are in a court of law. We make our points in dogmatic ways, act as though no other position could possibly be considered, and convey an expectation that the other person has no choice but to capitulate.

Considering the viewpoints of you and the other person, how might an actual judge determine an outcome regarding the differences between you?

It sometimes happens in a conflict that we back down from our viewpoint. We may yield to the other person and resent that she or he is getting their way. Or, we may reckon that backing down is the optimum retreat from unnecessary agony. Or, we may determine there are other reasons to not insist on our perspective, desires and hopes. Backing down, whatever our reasons, carries its own set of challenges and doesn’t usually help us to move forward.

What is backing down in a conflict achieving that walking forward with a mutually agree on goal will not?