Sometimes I wake up in a cranky mood. I expect that happens to you, too, right? It may be due to a restless sleep, worry, an unresolved problem, a confrontation that hovers, and other reasons that seem to result in a negative start to the day.

The derivation of this phrase is interesting. “Wrong side of the bed” apparently comes from a time when “the left side of the bed or anything ‘left’ was considered sinister, mysterious, dangerous or evil. So, innkeepers pushed the left sides of the bed against the walls so that a guest HAD to get up on the right side”. However, today the phrase refers, among other things, to starting the day being irritable and not able to focus or engage effectively.

In my world as a conflict management coach, it is common that clients who say they “get up on the wrong side” (or a similar reference to starting their day poorly) are less resilient and their health and well-being is suffering. At these times, their mindset is negative, and they seem to have a tendency to cause conflict through defensiveness and an imbalance in their ways of interacting. Or, they report reacting to even the slightest provocation. In any case, their reserves are low, and this often has an impact on their interactions.

This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog invites you to consider the experience of waking up on “the wrong side” and the impact on an interpersonal dispute.

• What conflict happened between you and the other person when you consider you got up on the wrong side that day (and it had an impact on the interaction)?
• What contributed to you getting up on the wrong side of the bed?
• What specific impact did that (your above answer) have on your conflictual interaction with the other person?
• What impact did it have on the other person?
• What words describe your mindset that day?
• If you got up on the “right side of the bed”, what do you suppose you would have done differently?
• What would the impact be of getting up on the right side on the interaction with the other person?
• What would the impact be on the outcome of the dispute?
• What might help you manage the experience of getting out of bed on the wrong side so as to prevent unnecessary conflict?
• What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
• What insights do you have?

#conflictcoaching
#conflictmanagementcoaching
#conflict
#conflictmanagement
#conflictresolution
#questions

There are times we become so frustrated with a conflict that we feel spent – that the dynamic and its resolution are unsurmountable. We are usually full of despair and anger at these times. This may be when we use an expression like “I’m at the end of my rope!”

This phrase has an interesting derivation, having originated from the tethering of horses to eat (but not allowing them to run free). So, horses would only eat in the area that their rope allowed. When they ate all the grass that was easy, they then stretched and ate in the area that was “at the end of their rope”.

This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog suggests you consider a conflict in which you are at the end of your rope when responding to these questions:

• What is the conflict about?
• What specifically upset you to the point that your frustration grew?
• When you reached “the end of your rope”, what happened?
• What other words describe that experience?
• What survivor instinct (like the horses demonstrated) do you have – to overcome the problem and solve it?
• If the issues were solved, what would an acceptable resolution be for you?
• What do you think would be an acceptable resolution for the other person?
• If you both used your survival skills to make things work, what might be mutually acceptable?
• What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
• What insights do you have?

#conflictcoaching
#conflictmanagementcoaching
#conflict
#conflictmanagement
#conflictresolution
#questions

Recently, I was interviewed by Kathy Caprino – Senior Contributor to Forbes blog – on conflict management and leaders. In response to one of the questions about what compelled me to create a conflict management coaching model, I explained that in my work as a workplace mediator it became evident that many leaders do not know how to “be” in conflict. That is, engaging effectively is not a competency that many leaders bring to their work. Being able to listen well (to hear and understand before talking), to regulate emotions, to engage others in challenging conversations with calm, and other such characteristics are just some of the traits associated with this competency.

Conflict competent leaders also work to build conflict competent organizations. And by doing so, contribute to normalizing conflict. This means, among other things, accepting the inevitability of conflict and creating systems and processes to facilitate difficult conversations. It means addressing differences that are fractious in nature (and commonly occur in most workplaces) and providing opportunities for staff to share their ideas and views without recrimination.

This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog asks you to consider the notion of “being” in conflict for you.

• What sorts of conflicts do you want to engage in with increased confidence and competence?
• What are the commonalities of the types of conflicts in which you don’t see yourself as conflict competent yet?
• What does being conflict competent mean to you in terms of how you would like to “be” in those situations (that you refer to in response to the above questions)?
• What do you suppose gets in your way of being conflict competent?
• When you have observed others who seem to engage effectively in conflict, what way of being do they demonstrate that you would like to emulate?
• When you take one of the conflicts from the first question – one that was especially difficult for you – what was most difficult about that one?
• For what reason (further to the above question)?
• If you were conflict competent in that situation, what skills would you have that you didn’t then?
• How will you feel about yourself when you become conflict competent? How will you feel about the other person with whom you are in conflict, to be able to be conflict competent?
• What efforts might you make to strengthen your conflict competency?
• What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
• What insights do you have?

#conflictcoaching
#conflictmanagementcoaching
#conflict
#conflictmanagement
#conflictresolution
#questions