It happens in conflict that things frequently escalate in a way that results in the other person or us making things worse. The expression “jumping from the frying pan into the fire” applies here as an idiom that generally means escaping a bad situation for a worse situation. According to one source, “it was made the subject of a 15th-century fable that eventually entered the Aesopic canon”. Here is the story in brief:

“The Italian author Laurentius Abstemius wrote a collection of 100 fables, the Hecatomythium, during the 1490s. This included some based on popular idioms and proverbs of the day. Abstemius’ fable 20, De piscibus e sartigine in prunas desilentibus, concerns some fish thrown live into a frying pan of boiling fat. One of them urges its fellows to save their lives by jumping out, but when they do so they fall into the burning coals and curse its bad advice. The fabulist concludes: ‘This fable warns us that when we are avoiding present dangers, we should not fall into even worse peril.’  The tale was included in Latin collections of Aesop’s fables from the following century onwards but the first person to adapt it into English was Roger L’Estrange in 1692.”

Other interpretations and versions followed and the expression is still used by some today to refer to actions, words, etc. that take an incident from bad to worse, as sometimes happens in conflict situations.

The ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) blog this week invites readers to consider when you have jumped from the frying pan into the fire, even inadvertently.

• Considering a conflict in which the expression – jumping from the frying pan into the fire – applies to you, what is the situation? What did you do that applies to this idiom?
• What propelled your jump?
• What specifically was bad about the situation in the first place when you jumped?
• What did the frying pan represent?
• What happened that made the situation worse?
• What did the fire represent?
• What may you have done instead of jumping into the fire?
• What do you think stopped you?
• What result would you have preferred?
• Where else may you have jumped to achieve that preferred result?

What other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you add here?

The expression “fed up” has several meanings. One source states: “To have had more than enough of something or someone, or to be bored with or tired of the same.” The same source says that the expression dates back to the early 19th century when reportedly “the languid aristocracy were compared to farm animals that were force fed to make them plump for market”.

The phrase later became part of the general parlance in the late 19th century and was sometimes emphasized graphically in the extended forms ‘fed up to the eyeballs’, or ‘fed up to the back teeth’.

This week’s blog further explores this phrase – fed up – as it pertains to interpersonal conflict and more specifically referring to situations in which we have had enough of the other person’s antics or words, the situation itself, the impact of the interaction, and so on.

We get fed up for many other reasons when in conflict. These may include a sense of despair and disappointment – perhaps, realizing things are going nowhere, or deteriorating. Or we may feel we are saturated and that we no longer have the energy, time, resources, etc. to continue communications or even the relationship in some cases. The tension and seemingly unsolvable issues and dynamic also lead to such a feeling.

Bringing to mind a situation or person about which you are fed up will help answer the questions below.

• How do you describe the expression fed up?
• What is the situation with which you are fed up?
• And/or what is the other person doing or saying that contributes to you feeling fed up?
• In what way(s) does your definition apply to what you are experiencing (if you have not answered this above)?
• How did things get to the point that you are fed up?
• If you were to compare the feeling of being fed up in this situation to what happens if you overreact or have had too much of certain foods, what would that feeling be?
• How else may that analogy resonate (as it applies to the feeling of being fed up in your interpersonal conflict)?
• If you are wanting to feel less fed up regarding food, what do you typically do?
• In what idiomatic ways may that technique be used in the interaction with which you are fed up?
• What are you thinking now about the interaction that is different from when you began this series of questions?

What other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you add here?

This week’s ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) blog is not about cooking, though the title and the metaphor seems to conjure up the picture of soups and stews simmering on top of a stove. When it comes to conflict the expression – stirring the pot – is defined by one source as “to cause unrest or dissent”. It is an idiomatic way to explore what some of us do when we disagree with a decision, or it may be what we do in reaction to something another person does or says that we do not like, or it may be when we raise issues on purpose to encourage debate or to cause unrest for some reason.

Taking the image a little further as it applies to interpersonal conflict, consider that the vegetables or meat in the pot represent various aspects of conflict-related matters floating around. These may be the issues, facts, needs, values, hopes, and expectations we bring to the pot. Some pieces fall to the bottom and may stick. Others float to the top. Other pieces float around in the juices. Some add flavour. Some get overdone. You get the picture.

If you are tempted to stir the pot about an interaction, the following questions may help digest what is in the pot.

• How do you explain what the pot represents in the interaction you have in mind?
• What ingredients are ones you put in the pot that make up the conflict? What ingredients has the other person put in?
• What is the most tasty of your ingredients in the pot? What may the other person say are her or his most tasty ingredients?
• What is the least tasty of your ingredients? What may the other person answer about her or his ingredients that are least tasty?
• What in the pot could be easily removed without an impact on the other ingredients? What needs to be added?
• What part or parts of all the other ingredients belong in the pot? Why is that?
• What specifically do you want to stir up? Why is that?
• What do you want to have happen by stirring the pot?
• What would it be like if that did not happen (your answer to the previous question)? What would things be like if it did happen?
• What are you thinking now about stirring the pot?

What other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you add here?