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Speaking the Truth When in Conflict

One of the reasons many of us back away from conflict or yield to the other person is because we fear our truth – the truth of what we have to say and are feeling – will hurt the other person. We might fear they will react in a way we will not be able to handle. We may think they will end the relationship or retaliate somehow.

As a consequence of these fears and others, we may tend to sugar-coat our feelings, lie a little, dismiss the importance, make light of the situation and our feelings, change the subject quickly, and a host of other responses. When we hide our feelings and are not being true to ourselves we often end up hurting ourselves. We feel dishonest, inauthentic, sad, dissatisfied, unfulfilled, unresolved and we may fall into self-blame and other destructive feelings that serve no purpose – other than more of these sorts of emotions that tend to keep us immobilized.

Telling the truth is not always the easiest thing to do, of course, when whatever we fear keeps us from doing so. The fears may become even larger because we know our voices will quiver and getting the message out will be difficult – we might think impossible.

This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog asks you to consider a truth you need and want to express though you fear your voice may shake or you won’t communicate as effectively as you want.

  • What is the situation?
  • What is your truth that you want to express to the other person regarding this conflict ?
  • What’s most important to you about that truth that you want the other person to hear?
  • What has kept you from expressing that truth – such as, what are your fears about the other person’s reaction?
  • What is working for you by not raising this truth?
  • What is not working for you besides the fact that the other person doesn’t know what you have to say?
  • What is the best result that could happen if you voice your truth?
  • If you don’t express your truth what then?
  • If your voice shakes or you otherwise converse in a way that shows you are uncomfortable why does that matter?
  • What matters most – speaking the truth even if it’s in a shaky voice or not stating the truth?
  • What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
  • What insights do you have?

#conflict management

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