art work by John Ceprano
CINERGY (tm) - Peacebuilding... one person at a time

Conflict Skill-Building

We aren’t born, of course, with a set of skills to engage in interpersonal disputes. We learn, as we grow, what to do and what not to do from our families of origin, teachers, peers, leaders in all contexts and others. At some point many of us realize we don’t have the skills we need and want to learn how to effectively “be” in conflict, to handle ourselves better, and to find the opportunity within them to improve matters.

This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog invites you to consider skills you realize you would like to build. They may have to do with how to regulate emotions, not to become defensive, to respond and communicate in conciliatory ways, and so on.

The following questions suggest you start by reflecting on one skill you know you want to improve. You can go through the questions for other skills if the questions resonate!

Which skill do you want to improve – to start with? What specifically do you do that demonstrates this skill needs improvement?

When you have observed someone with this skill what impression does that make on you?

What makes it so (re: your answer to the previous question)?

What are the challenges for you in developing this skill?

What do you suppose it will take for you to overcome those challenges?

What difference will having this skill make in how you engage in your conflicts?

How will you feel about yourself when you have this skill? What impact will it have on others if you develop this skill?

In what specific ways do you think you will you be perceived differently?

If you were to try out this skill, in what relatively low-conflict context might you be able to do so?

How will you measure success when you develop this skill?

What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?

What insights do you have?



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