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Moving On After Conflict

For this week’s blog I am bringing back one that was popular last year. So, this one is from the archives (originally posted October 31, 2017):

The confusion and internal chaos that conflict can, at times, wreak on us accounts, in part, for the desire to move past it and get over it as soon as possible. Often we also want the other person to do so. On the other hand, there are times we might find we are disappointed when she or he moves on too soon.

We vary in our post-conflict reactions and these reactions differ for many reasons. They may depend on factors such as who the other person is, the situation, the degree of hurt we or they experience, our contribution, the outcome and so on.

This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog is an opportunity to consider your sensibilities post-conflict about a specific situation that you are having trouble moving on from.

  • What was the situation?
  • What seems to be making it challenging for you to move on?
  • What specifically are you holding onto?
  • What remains most unresolved for you about that (your answer to the previous question)?
  • What would it take for you to be able to move on?
  • How likely is that to happen (your answer to the previous question)?
  • If you moved on, what would you miss most that seems to be something you are holding onto?
  • How do you describe your continuing emotions about the situation and the other person?
  • If you moved on, with what feelings would you like to replace the current ones?
  • You might not be ready to move on or even want to. If that’s the case, why do you think that is?
  • What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
  • What insights do you have?

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