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Sharing Your Conflict Story

It is commonly the case that when we share our conflicts with others the account of what occurred does not accurately reflect the real situation. That is, what we said and how we said it are not necessarily conveyed exactly how things unfolded. What we said is morphed into self-serving statements of what we wished we said, for instance.

Similarly, we might attribute things to the other person that are not an accurate reflection of what was actually conveyed by her or him. Rather, the comments are more based on assumptions and interpretations. Or, it may be we have a need to blame the other person and get the support of those with whom we share the incident.

This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog invites you to bring to mind a dispute you recently had with a friend, co-worker, family member, boss or other person when answering the following questions.

  • What happened?
  • What did the other person say that upset you most?
  • What assumptions are you making about the other person? How, more specifically, are you interpreting her or his motives?
  • What reasons for her or his words make most sense given the issues in dispute and your relationship?
  • What is the truth about the part you played in the interaction that you left out of the initial retelling of the situation?
  • What didn’t you say or do that you wished you had during the dispute?
  • What are you most regretful about saying?
  • What might the other person regret most regarding her or his part?
  • If you had it to do over, what would you say or do differently?
  • What else is true that remains unsaid so far, if anything?
  • What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
  • What insights do you have?

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