When acrimony is evident between us and another person it is palatable to us and those around us. This sensation and experience presents a challenge and also an opportunity to choose a way to be that helps or hinders the outcome and its impact. That is, we may choose to respond in constructive and non-judgmental ways. Or, we may choose to react in combative and destructive ways.
What do you choose?
The CINERGY® Conflict Management Coaching Blog –ConflictMastery® Quest(ions) – is for anyone who finds self-reflective questions helpful for examining and strengthening your conflict intelligence. It is also for coaches, mediators, HR professionals, ombudsmen, leaders, lawyers, psychologists, counsellors and others who also use self-reflective questions as tools for helping your clients in these ways.
I’d like to wish all of you the very best of health and happiness for the coming year in this final ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) blog for 2014.
If you make New Year’s resolutions, won’t you also consider the “conflict resolutions” below?
Warmest regards to you and yours, and may your 2015 be peaceful and wonderful in every way.
Thank you very much to those who gave me new resolution ideas last year. You will find most of them here:
It may be hard to imagine the word conflict being qualified by the adjective “sweet”. Yet, think of the times that goodness comes from reconciling differences that had been having a negative impact on a relationship. Think, too, of the relief experienced after expressing unspoken truths and the outcome of doing so is positive. Think of the importance of finding how we inadvertently contributed to someone’s upset and have the chance to make it ‘right’ . Think of mending the breakdown in our communications with a person we care about and how good that feels. Think, too, what it feels like to find mutually satisfying resolution despite our opposing viewpoints. And, in that regard, think of what it’s like when we acknowledge we may not agree on everything but still show gracious respect for one another’s perspective.
These are some aspects of what constitutes “sweet” conflict as I see it, and they contemplate, among other things, that we have lots to gain from dynamics that appear to be fraught with hurt and anger and seemingly irreconcilable differences. That is, if we consider the possibility of learning from our conflicts we may just end up enjoying the sweetness of knowing the other person – and ourselves – better because we share what’s important to each of us and are wiser because we dare to do so.
This week’s ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) blog asks you to consider what may be sweet about a conflict you are experiencing or did experience.
What other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you add here?
I like this story about the expression chancing your arm and thought I would pass it on to you. My colleague Mary Rafferty used it recently when referring to someone taking a risk and I had never heard of it. The phrase’s roots did have risk attached to it and also a peaceful gesture.
The story goes that “In 1492 two Irish families, the Butlers of Ormonde and the FitzGeralds of Kildare, were involved in a bitter feud. This disagreement centred around the position of Lord Deputy. Both families wanted one of their own to hold the position. In 1492 this tension broke into outright warfare and a small skirmish occurred between the two families just outside the city walls.
The Butlers, realising that the fighting was getting out of control, took refuge in the Chapter House of Saint Patrick’s Cathedral. However, the FitzGeralds followed them into the Cathedral and asked them to come out and make peace. The Butlers, afraid that if they did so they would be slaughtered, refused.
As a gesture of good faith the head of the Kildare family, Gerald FitzGerald, ordered that a hole be cut in the door. He then thrust his arm through the door and offered his hand in peace to those on the other side. Upon seeing this, FitzGerald was willing to risk his arm by putting it through the door the Butlers reasoned that he was serious in his intention. They shook hands through the door, the Butlers emerged from the Chapter House and the two families made peace.
Today this door is known as the ‘Door of Reconciliation’ and is on display in the Cathedral’s north transept. This story also lives on in a famous expression in Ireland ‘To chance your arm’.”
There is only one ConflictMastery™ Quest(ion) for today’s blog. It is:
What other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you add here?
