When interpersonal conflict is difficult on us we may show we are beleaguered, hurt and let down in various ways. At some undefined point those who see or hear us might say we are wearing our conflict feelings on our sleeves. We may want sympathy, support for our perspective, and other signs that acknowledge the state we are in. Some observers comply and for others it gets old and achieves the opposite effect.
What do you expect from others when you wear your conflict feelings on your sleeve?
When we seem to lack resilience after a conflict, some of the things we agonize about are what we said or did or didn’t say or do. And though we cannot change the past, we reside indefinitely in an unsettled place of regret. It is a waste of time and energy unless we reframe the conflict, learn from it, and move forward. It’s our call.
What do you have to get over about a conflict to reside in a settled place?
Some things that people do and say in conflict are difficult to forgive. Sometimes though, we deny forgiveness to our detriment. Doing so might even become a badge we wear and live by. It may even define us in ways that hurt us – and the other person.
How does denying forgiveness affect who you are?
It seems when we stand up for ourselves when in conflict we can get puffed up with our rightness and righteousness. By doing so, we are making the other person wrong. However, she or he is also reacting with perceptions of what is right from her or his perspective.
What does having to be right achieve?
Sometimes we have trouble bouncing back after a conflict. We ruminate about what we or the other person said or did, what we wished we had said or did, the uselessness we feel about what occurred and so on. We realize these aftereffects are not helpful for our well-being and the relationship with the other person.
What does it take for you to bounce back after conflict?
