Sometimes we have an idea that we are reticent to share because we expect it will lead to a conflict. We may test it indirectly by making a suggestion in passing with hopes we won’t get push back. When our testing approach does not land well it’s time to consider how else to raise the matter without unnecessary conflict.
How may you test your potentially conflictual idea without it being a test?
When what we want to express in a conflict comes out in a loud voice, chances are the words are not heard well. The intent gets lost amidst the noise and only the echo of the tone and decibel of our voices are heard.
If you tend to speak loudly when upset, how might you control that in order to be better heard?
When we are angry at another person due to a conflict it’s difficult to hold in what we are feeling. At these times our emotions may be displayed in ways that hurt the other person while also hurting the relationship. However, letting the other person know the impact of our conflict and what they said or did is important. Most of us face such a dilemma – and in the minute do not always respond in a way that serves us well.
How might you express your anger while suppressing what unnecessarily hurts the other person and yourself?
Tension and discord appear to excite some people who thrive on the energy it creates. That is, those who enjoy conflict do not usually see it as negative or destructive, and may view conflictual interactions as a chance to share and debate strongly-held opinions. Sometimes though that approach is one-sided and others consider the experience to be daunting and difficult.
If you like conflict as a way to debate and engage, how do you know the other person does too?
When any of us begin to experience acrimony about something another person is saying or doing, the seeds of inner conflict begin to grow. Essentially, it takes only one of us to be in conflict, even if we are doing so only in our heads and hearts. At these times we are usually in better control of our thoughts and feelings then when things escalate. So, we have a choice early on to gain perspective, and approach dissension before it emerges in destructive ways.
What are you thinking or feeling about another person or situation that you may manage rather than let it escalate?
