Sometimes there are situations that lead us to anticipate that a conflict will erupt. The more we think of this happening the more we may add to the possibility. This might be by the defensive or other stance we portray – physically or emotionally.
What stance may you take – rather than one of negative expectancy – regarding a situation you have in mind?
Interpersonal conflict can be painful in many ways. We hurt; the other person hurts; those around us often hurt, too. Sometimes, our bodies reflect the pain we feel too. It may be difficult to connect this sort of pain with the potential for gain and growth. However, there are lessons to be learned from conflict if we pay attention to what happened for us and the other person, what pained us both and why – and how we both played a part in its evolution.
How might you grow from what you learned about your last conflict?
Some of us may say the best part of an interpersonal conflict is ‘making up’. This may be with an apology and acknowledged reconciliation about our differences and other ways. Some of us may say though, that making up is about creating excuses to justify our behaviour, or pretending things are okay until they seem to be.
What constitutes making up for you?
Whether outwardly or inwardly, some of us cry about some interpersonal conflicts. Hurt feelings, not getting what we want, demeaning attacks on our beings, loss of face, shame and other by-products of conflict – not done well – can lead to much sadness, disappointment and other deep emotions. These feelings can seriously affect us and lead to tears that we weep or feel inside.
What are you crying for – internally or externally – about a conflict you are in?
Many of us equate fighting and conflict and yet, nothing says they have to be the same thing. For instance, we might figure that fighting for something we want or believe in is the only way to get it. On the other hand, if we share our wants and the things we believe in with the intention of hearing the other person’s – and having a conciliatory dialogue with her or him – we might find instead that there is no need to fight.
What are you fighting for that you may not need to?
