Interpersonal conflict tends to bring out parts of us we don’t really like. It may be our attitude, our mannerisms, what we say and how we say it, our facial gestures and so on. Sometimes we seem to replicate the way we saw a parent interact; other times we see the ‘child’ in us or the petulant teenager.
Since we generally learn how to manage conflict through our families of origin (we learn what not to do this way too), it is common that we default to patterns embedded way back when. Through trial and error, schools, peers, etc. we also learn other ways to “be” in conflict and not always effectively. There’s just no rule book!
This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog explores who you become in conflict. It will help to consider a situation you can think of in which you know you transformed into a not-so-great version of you.
- What was the situation?
- Who did you ‘become’ in that interaction?
- In what ways?
- How might you describe the way of “being” you became in detail?
- What brought on that way of reacting? How is it a “default” reaction for you (if it is)?
- What did you like about who you became? What didn’t you like?
- How did the other person respond?
- How do you wish you had interacted instead?
- What precluded you from interacting that way (your answer to the previous question)?
- How might you prevent reacting in ways you don’t like about yourself in the future?
- What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
- What insights do you have?
