For this week’s blog I am bringing back one that was popular a couple of years ago. So, this one is from the archives (originally posted May 3, 2016):

The idiom “to blow your top” has been defined in various ways, such as “to become enraged; lose one’s temper”. One other source says this about the expression:

“‘Blow your top’ is a colorful idiomatic expression that is used to indicate that an individual is extremely upset and is about to or has already lost his or her temper. The imagery connected with losing the temper focuses on the vision of the top of someone’s head actually coming off, due to the buildup of the internal pressure caused by the anger. Typically, the term is reserved for use when a particular event or subject inspires very deep negative feelings, making it more difficult to remain composed and logical in terms of how the situation is approached.

Unlike some other idioms that are used in present tense only, it is not unusual for “blow your top” to be also used about something that may happen in the very near future. For example, someone may attempt to calm someone down who is obviously about to lose his or her temper by encouraging them to step away before ‘you blow your top.’ In this use of the saying, the idea is to prevent what would likely be a very negative event from taking place by urging some temporary distance from the issue that is causing so much distress.”

This week’s blog explores the phrase “blowing your top” by inviting you to answer the reflective questions if you tend to “blow your top” or would use this idiom to describe someone you have observed in a conflict with you.

• When you consider a situation in which it could be said you “blew your top”, what was happening to incite you?
• How might you describe your reaction that might be described as “blowing your top”?
• What did that feel like to you (your answer to the previous question)?
• How did the other person react to you?
• How would she or he describe you when you “blew your top”?
• When your top blew off, what did you lose? What stayed on?
• When you have been on the receiving end of someone blowing their top, what resulted in that, from what you know or observed? How did you experience the other person “blowing her or his top”?
• What blew off? What stayed on?
• What makes the imagery in the expression “blow your top” especially relevant to what happened for you? What makes it especially relevant to what happened to the other person in the situation you experienced or observed?
• What has occurred to you about the idiom “blow your top” that you hadn’t considered before you answered these questions?
• What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
• What insights do you have?

For this week’s blog I am bringing back one that was popular a couple of years ago. So, this one is from the archives (originally posted March 1, 2016):

Sometimes, when involved in an interpersonal conflict, we find ourselves “up against a wall”. This expression means we feel we have no choice about an issue, except to give in, or that we feel stuck about how to manage things. One definition (from Dictionary.com) of this metaphor is: “in a crucial or critical position, especially one in which defeat or failure seems imminent”.

Such situations are very challenging and this idiom paints a picture of something stronger and bigger than us getting in our way of proceeding.

If you have a conflict situation in which you are feeling “up against a wall”, consider the following questions for this week’s blog and how you might help diminish the wall’s power.

• What is the dispute about?
• What is the wall that you are experiencing?
• What makes that wall especially challenging?
• What might the wall reflect in a metaphorical sense (such as what does it represent, i.e. an emotion, wish, fear, expectation, value, etc.)?
• With what may you be holding up the metaphorical wall – contributing to its existence?
• How else may you be supporting the wall?
• What do you think it would take for you to knock over the wall? What all would that entail?
• What’s the worst case scenario you can imagine if you knocked over the wall?
• What is the best case scenario if you knocked over the wall?
• What learning here likely applies to other situations in which you perceive yourself to be “up against a wall”?
• What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
• What insights do you have?

For this week’s blog I am bringing back one that was popular a couple of years ago. So, this one is from the archives (originally posted April 19, 2016):

The expression “to have a bee in one’s bonnet” has a variety of meanings. One reported origin of this saying dates back to the early 16^th century when Alexander Douglas wrote about someone being in bed with a head full of bees. “Going to bed with a head full of bees would seem to describe someone who can’t take his or her mind off something that he or she feels is important. It is speculated that the “bonnet” part of the phrase might have been derived from the large bonnet that a beekeeper wears. Hence, if a beekeeper were to have a bee in his or her bonnet, it would be very difficult for him or her to focus on anything else.”

What is it about getting a bee in the bonnet then, that leads to conflict? Though being totally focussed on an idea, view or thought does not always or necessarily lead to conflict, it can be challenging sometimes to be around someone who holds and repeats her or his position on a matter to the extent that there’s no room for alternative perspectives. There may even be a righteousness or rightness emanating from people who have bees in their bonnets that implies – directly or indirectly – that the other person is wrong. This is when being focused only on one viewpoint is off-putting for others and can lead to positional arguments.

If you tend to get a “bee in your bonnet” or become frustrated with others who do, the following set of questions might be helpful to consider.

• If you have a “bee in your bonnet” about something important to you and you are aware it’s leading to conflict with another person, what are you focusing on?
• Why is that especially important to you (your answer to the previous question)?
• What do you want the other person to understand about what you are focused on that you think she or he doesn’t?
• If you think she or he understands it, what is motivating you to repeat/stress your thoughts, ideas, etc.?
• How do you suppose stressing the “bee in your bonnet” is affecting the other person?
• What sort of conflict is emerging – or has emerged – for you from this?
• How is that (your answer to the previous question) a positive thing? How is it not so positive?
• If you are on the receiving end of someone who has a “bee in her or his bonnet”, what is the impact on you?
• What do you suppose is important to the other person that she or he is repeating and stressing her or his thought or idea? How is this leading to conflict between you?
• What would be a different way to manage the situation, whether you are the person with a “bee in your bonnet” or on the receiving end of someone who is demonstrating that tendency, that steers away from causing unnecessary conflict?
• What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
• What insights do you have?