When we accuse someone of upsetting the applecart we generally think that person is causing trouble and creating difficulties by doing or saying something that challenges the status quo. Of the four variations of the source of the expression that I read about, the most basic and generic derivation refers to farmers in the 1800s who would bring applecarts loaded with neatly piled, fresh apples for sale to market. The story goes that when “a clumsy person” knocked over the cart, it spills all the apples and spoils the farmer’s plan to sell the apples. The phrase subsequently came to mean knocking things off balance – in a situation and relationship.

This idiom came back into my awareness just this past week when a coaching client told me about a situation with his manager. He said, “If she hadn’t upset the applecart by making that policy I’d have a better chance for a promotion – sooner than later!” When I asked the client – I’ll call him Henry – to tell me more about what happened he continued to use the idiom. Henry described himself as the cart rolling along nicely being pushed by his ambition and confidence. He said when his boss changed a policy about the requirements to become a team leader he realized his opportunity to move ahead as quickly as he had hoped was kyboshed.

I asked Henry what the apples in the cart were and he responded, “they were my hopes, my skills, my hard work, and my dedication that toppled out of the cart”. He told me he confronted his boss in his anger (“a career limiting move”) and a conflict ensued. Henry subsequently retained me to “put the apples back in the cart”. I thought this was an interesting way that Henry discussed his interests and needs and I wanted to pass it on to you (with his permission).

This week’s ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) blog invites readers to consider how vivid this idiom is when it comes to an interpersonal conflict you are or were involved in, and you might use this expression.

• Thinking of a current or past interpersonal conflict, what did the other person say or do that upset the apple cart?
• What would you say the cart represents?
• What do the apples represent?
• What upset you most about this situation? What did her or his actions “spoil”?
• What did you say or do in response?
• How did your response help? In what ways might you have contributed to the cart of apples toppling over?
• How might you put the applecart upright again? (For instance, what would you say or do, and what else would it take to do so?)
• How would you make sure the apples you referred to in question 2 are back – safely and securely in the cart?
• How will it feel when things are back in place?
• What inner resources, experience, or wisdom do you have that will facilitate that (your answer to the previous question)?

What other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you add here?

As you may know, the phrase driving a wedge between people describes the act of causing people to oppose or turn against one another – to spoil their relationship.

This expression seems to be used when referring to what a third party does that results in a schism between two (or more) others. That is, the two (or more) people may not be in conflict or there may be some tension but they are not necessarily disconnected. However, for some reason the third party attempts to turn one or both against the other.

Reasons that someone may intentionally drive a wedge between others undoubtedly vary. It may have to do with jealousy, insecurities about being left out, feeling territorial about one of the people, bearing negative feelings towards one, wanting to protect one, and disapproving of the relationship.

Driving a wedge may lead to conflict between the two people and/or between one or both of them and the person driving the wedge. In any case, it is helpful to consider the reasons that someone would drive a wedge between others. This is whether you have been on the receiving end of someone’s efforts to do this or have done so yourself. This week’s ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) blog invites you to consider when you have driven a wedge between others, or someone has done that with you and another.

• If you have ever tried to or succeeded in driving a wedge between others, what reasons motivated you to drive the wedge between those people?
• What specifically did you do? What was the wedge? In what ways did you drive it?
• How did you succeed in driving the wedge? What does that mean for you – that you succeeded? What does it mean for the two or more people?
• If you did not succeed, what happened? What does that mean for you? What does it mean for the people that you drove the wedge between or among?
• What reactions did you have from the people between or among which you tried to drive a wedge, other than what you may have answered so far?
• When someone has driven a wedge between you and one or more others, what did she or he do specifically? What was the wedge? In what ways did she or he drive it?
• How did the person succeed? How did she or he not succeed?
• What was the experience like for you?
• Where are things at now between you and the person who drove the wedge? Where are things at now between you and the other person or person between whom the wedge was driven?
• What lessons are there to be learned from driving a wedge between people?

What other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you add here?