DO YOU EXERCISE YOUR WISHBONE WHEN IT COMES TO CONFLICT?
“A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body – the wishbone.” Robert Frost
Often in my conflict management coaching practice clients use the word ‘wish’. It might refer to what they wish they had done or said in an interpersonal dispute – instead of what they did say or do. This may sound like, “I wish we never got into that ridiculous argument”, “ I wish I hadn’t been so mean” , “ I wish they hadn’t said that “, I wish I knew then what I know now”, “ I wish I could have a do-over” and other such wishes.
In the heat of the moment – when we are triggered by the other person’s words, attitude, actions, body language and so on it’s often the case that we say things and act in ways that do not serve us well. When the ‘wishbone’ starts to appear it’s usually a sign that we are aware of our own contribution and/or what our expectations were of the other person or both!
This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog invites you to consider how your wishbone is playing a part in an interpersonal dispute in which you find yourself.
- What is the dispute about that you recalled?
- What do you wish you had said differently?
- What lead you to say what you did? (your answer to the above question)
- What do you wish you had done differently?
- To what were you reacting at this time (relating to the previous question)?
- What are the specific things you wish the other person hadn’t said or done? What do you wish they has said or done?
- What were your expectations regarding how you saw this dispute unfold?
- What might the other person’s expectations have been?
- What is your wish now about this dispute?
- For what do you suppose the other person might be wishing?
- What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
- What insights do you have now that you didn’t have before you answered these questions?
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