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It’s Not Over Till It’s Over

Even though we might think a conflict has been resolved, there are times we (or the other person) have not really reconciled the matter. The vestiges can linger in strange ways and may show up at unusual times – brought on by a different conflict or interaction that appears innocuous – even with someone else. That is, the memory of a past hurt might seep out in confusing ways unrelated to the current situation, but evoking similar emotions.

What this may mean is that when a previous conflict (or number of conflicts) remains unresolved in our hearts and minds the issues, emotions, and words said and not said cling to us; but also, our memories can become distorted. And the feeling that once felt like reconciliation can take on a different and unsettling experience.  Among other things, at these times we are unsure what it will take for us to move on.

This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog invites you to consider a situation that is not over for you – though you may act like it is. And, it might appear to the other person that you are over it.

  • What is the situation?
  • What is lingering for you?
  • Why is that (your answer to the previous question)?
  • How might you be demonstrating things are settled for you?
  • How might you be demonstrating things are not settled for you?
  • What will it take for things to be over (reconciled) for you?
  • What specifically is ‘under’ the conflict that remains unfinished?
  • What will being over the conflict mean for you?
  • What will be most different when you are ‘over’ the conflict?
  • How will the other person know you are over the conflict that she or he might not observe or sense now?
  • What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
  • What insights do you have?

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