The expression ‘irreconcilable differences’ is often referred to about marriages or other relationships that appear to be doomed for failure due to the differences that are apparent. It begs the question whether it is feasible to mend things at these times and if saying a conflict is not resolvable is actually a cop-out.

What may it take for apparent irreconcilable differences in your life to actually be reconcilable?

Temper tantrums are usually associated with children, but I expect many of us have witnessed adults display conduct that could be easily likened to an infantile outburst. This sort of behaviour is often associated with not getting our own way and becoming insistent and demanding in an effort to achieve it.

If you turn to temper tantrums as a way of getting your way, how does that advance reconciliation?

Since experiencing high emotions in conflict usually affects our ability to think clearly, we may attribute negative motives that are not based in reality. At these times it can be challenging to respond reflectively rather than react ineffectively. Being thoughtful in conflict has at least two sides then – using our brains to think out what is happening and using our compassion to think out where the other person is coming from.

How might you be thoughtful in both ways in a conflict you are or were experiencing?

Getting defensive when in conflict is an important signal – whether it is us or the other person. When we or the other person react defensively to something said or done we or they are defending something meaningful. We may, for instance, perceive a value, or need, or aspect of our identity is being undermined.

What are you and the other person defending in a conflict that is happening (or happened)?