Jouska: An “Odd” Conflict-Related Emotion
In an article entitled “10 Odd Emotions You May Have Experienced” in Psychology Today (June 27, 2015), reference was made to an “odd” emotion termed “jouska”. It’s one that often emerges in conflict situations and is described as follows:
“This is a hypothetical conversation that you play out over and over in your head. For example, replaying an argument in your head where you say all the right things and “win” the argument, or practicing asking your boss for a raise and playing out his or her responses and your comebacks.”
It seems to me that this “emotion” is common (not so “odd”) when anticipating a conflict conversation and also, after one. The tendency to demonstrate “jouska” – in either case – reflects different ways we might react to conflict. That is, on the one hand we regret what we said and how we did so – replaying the discussion to include what we wished we had successfully conveyed. On the other hand, the second part of the definition of “jouska”, as noted, refers to being intentional in preparing for a potential conflict, including what we expect the other person may say in response and our reactions to each comment.
Considering the two explanations of this phrase, the consistent element appears to be that the dialogues are hypothetical. Though both have a sense of being self-preserving, the first explanation appears to be self-deceiving.
When answering this week’s blog, I suggest you bring to mind a situation in which you are doing the former – replaying the scenario with what you wish you had said.
- What is the conflict situation?
- What did you actually say or do? What emotions drove your reaction?
- What did you wish you had said or done?
- What difference may it have made if you said or did that (your answer to the previous question)?
- What do you suppose stopped you from saying or doing that?
- What is motivating you to state, i.e. to others or yourself, something you didn’t actually say or do?
- What regrets do you have about the situation?
- What is there to be learned from the situation and your reaction?
- What makes that an important lesson (your answer to the previous question)?
- What ways might you ensure you apply the learning the next time you are in a conflict?
- What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
- What insights do you have?
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