ONE STEP AT A TIME
The former U.S. Justice – Ruth Bader Ginsburg – or RBG as she was affectionately called – shared much wisdom over her years – both legally and personally. This particular quote applies to many aspects of our lives and this week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog considers its relevance to interpersonal conflicts.
What often happens in our disputes with some long term friends and family members is that we tend to superficially resolve disputes – to “keep the peace”. We reach some sort of reconciliation but, we don’t necessarily feel things are really resolved. Maybe, even though we want to stop the acrimony and negativity between us, we don’t know what it will take. Maybe, we are tired of fighting about the same old issues but, become used to the state of mind and heart we are left with even if we don’t like it. Maybe, we feel hopeless and don’t think anything will change the habitual ways of relating and patterns set up over time and so on.
These and other reasons can keep us from truly feeling we’ve spoken our truth – and heard the other person’s.
Considering RBG’s quote here it typically takes one step at a time to change our patterns and create enduring, more healthy ways of being in conflict. And it is suggested here that, as you answer the questions for this week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog, you consider an ongoing dispute pattern/issues to see if any questions help shift your thinking about the ongoing dynamic you really don’t like to create, be in, perpetuate.
- How might you describe one ongoing issue or way of relating that you don’t like about the conflict dynamic between you and another person?
- What do you most dislike about how you interact with them?
- What do you most dislike about how they interact with you?
- What is the truth you haven’t told the other person?
- What is the fear behind not speaking that truth?
- What is real about that fear that you know for sure? What don’t you know for sure about the validity of what you fear?
- What might the other person’s truth be that remains unspoken?
- What might that person fear about sharing their truth?
- What do you want to make happen so that you feel better about the relationship and way of interacting?
- If there is one step you’d be willing to make to begin to change the dynamic to be more what you’d like what might that be?
- What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
- What insights do you have now that you didn’t have before you answered these questions?
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