Necessary Conflict
Like it or not, many interpersonal conflicts are necessary for our relationships to thrive. They’re important for being authentically who we are and not continually yielding to someone else’s needs over our own or twisting ourselves into something we aren’t to please others. Our health and well-being (when it comes to conflict) and the health and well-being of our relationship depend on being able to own and stand up for what is important to us and not give over our values and needs. They depend, too, on being open to the other person’s needs.
Yes, we can choose not to engage in conflict at all times. Not all disputes are necessary after all. What is necessary though is that we accept conflict is normal and inevitable and that they provide an opportunity to actually improve our relationships. After all, knowing and sharing what’s important to one another is an important part of healthy relationships. It’s important ultimately that we know when and why to choose standing up as opposed to standing down – knowing when the latter is the healthier route to take.
In this week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog, you are invited to bring to mind an interpersonal conflict you are wondering about, i.e. whether to raise the issue(s) with the other person or not.
- What is the conflict about?
- If you don’t raise the issue(s) with the other person, then what?
- What are you afraid of if you do raise the issue(s) with the other person?
- What do you need from the other person that you are not getting?
- How are you not being true to yourself?
- How is not raising the issue(s) affecting your health and well-being?
- How is not raising the issue(s) affecting the relationship?
- What does the other person not know about you and your feelings about this situation that likely keeps them from really knowing you and what’s important to you?
- If you were to be honest with the other person, what would that message sound like that would be authentically who you are?
- What do you risk by expressing that message? How real is that risk (your answer to the last question)?
- What’s most important to you right now as you ponder these questions?
- What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
- What insights do you have?
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