art work by John Ceprano
CINERGY (tm) - Peacebuilding... one person at a time

Just ’cause I said it

I like the tune of Adele’s song “Rumour Has It” and there are some lyrics that strike me as relevant to conflict. Consider the lyric “Just ‘cause I said it, don’t mean that I meant it”. This is a great quote relating to conflict though unrelated to Adele’s intention. For me it reflects what often happens in disputes because many of us say things we don’t mean or intend. At these times many of us speak from reactive and emotional places and say and do things that hurt and don’t help the interaction. How to overcome the tendency to blurt things out on impulse is key to conflict mastery and yet, this can be challenging.

It helps, in this regard, to look at what happens when our ability to control our emotions falls away and consider what it takes to be careful and interact in ways that do not contribute to further and unnecessary discord. We know intellectually that this requires self-awareness, self-control and self-discipline. It’s how to emotionally apply what we rationally know.

This week’s ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) blog is especially for readers who tend to regret what you say when in conflict and agonize afterwards for words and actions you cannot take back. I suggest bringing to mind a conflictual situation in which you didn’t mean what you said:

  • What did you say that you didn’t mean to in that conflict?
  • What motivated you to say that at the time?
  • What kept you from holding your comment(s) back?
  • What was the other person’s reaction?
  • What do you regret most?
  • What do you wish you had said/done instead?
  • What (generally) compels you to react in conflict?
  • What do you lose control of at those times?
  • What happens for you after you have said something you cannot take back?
  • What may you do to restrain yourself next time from saying things that you are likely to regret after the fact?

What other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you add here?

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