art work by John Ceprano
CINERGY (tm) - Peacebuilding... one person at a time

Picking Up the Conflict ‘Vibes’

Conflict mastery is not only about engaging effectively in a conflict once it has evolved. It also entails picking up ‘vibrations’ that may signal dissension with or from another person and addressing the dynamic at the time. It is a matter of being proactive and preventing unnecessary conflict or facilitating positive conflict. Picking up conflict ‘vibes’ may not result in a specific discussion with the other person. It may be a matter of beginning to notice things that seem to be igniting him or her or yourself and considering when and how that happens. Essentially, I am suggest that this starts with self-reflection that concentrates on our instincts and what we sense is occurring.

Here are some ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) to ask yourself about picking up on vibes. This exercise works well by thinking of a time you sensed that someone was disgruntled with you and a dispute ultimately unfolded. With that in mind, please consider these:

  • As soon as you noticed some sort of discord with the other person, what did your intuition tell you about the reason(s) for a change in the other person’s demeanour, attitude, etc.?
  • On what did you base your intuitive response?
  • What was the impact on you of this person’s demeanour, attitude, etc.?
  • What if anything, was going on between you before or at the time, he or she seemed to be reacting to you?
  • What if anything, may you have said or done that irritated the other person?
  • What understanding did you gain when things evolved into a dispute that was consistent with your initial instincts? What was not consistent?
  • What could you have said or done at the time you picked up the vibration from the other person and what difference might it have made had you said or done so?
  • What do you suppose stopped you from acknowledging the ‘vibe’ at the time?
  • What do you think it takes for people generally, to trust our instincts about conflict vibes?
  • What do your answers here mean for you that you will consider the next time you pick up a conflict ‘vibe’?

Any other comments about this topic and/or what other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) do you suggest for this topic?

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