Staying Hurt
Conflict can hurt in a way that is often indescribable. Have you ever tried to describe it? It is pain that we seem to feel throughout our being – in our hearts and bones and skin. Emotional pain can cause us to feel physically sick. This type of pain sometimes feels so deep – as though it will never go away. It hurts through and through.
Since hurts from conflicts often reflect how deeply we care about certain issues, it is usual that we stay in that deep place until we get to a point where we are able to step back and reflect on things, including to figure out what’s going on for us and how to move on. Without some examination of our hurts, the chances are high that we end up with repeated conflictual interactions with the same person or others who provoke us in the same way. Please think about the last time you felt ongoing hurt in an interpersonal conflict to answer this series of questions:
- What words describe the hurt that is staying with you?
- What specifically is it about what the person said or did that was especially hurtful?
- In addition to the emotional repercussions, what thoughts have continued to linger for you since the initial hurt?
- What remains unresolved for you that those particular thoughts are lingering?
- What may you be gaining, if anything, from holding onto this situation and the related emotions, etc.?
- In what ways are your ongoing feelings about the situation and/or the other person continuing to have an impact on you?
- What hurt do you suppose the other person continues to carry about you and the situation?
- What words describe how you expect you will feel when you stop hurting?
- What have you done so far if anything, to let go of the hurt?
- What do you think it will ultimately take for you to let go?
Any other comments about this topic and/or what other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you suggest?
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