JUST BECAUSE WE’RE OFFENDED DOESN’T MEAN WE’RE RIGHT!

I smiled when I read this quote (author unknown) thinking of the times I’ve been offended by someone’s words or actions and have attributed  negative intentions to that person – as though they’re clearly wrong and I was clearly right in my perspective! I commonly hear too, some coaching clients express their indignation when they are offended by another person – asserting the strength of their views in response. Their reactions and mine often seem to emerge from being offended not necessarily because we’re ‘right’!

It’s a curious exploration – to examine our motivations when we’re offended by others and we assert our rightness because we’re offended. The exploration takes the route of having to observe ourselves, our motivations, our needs, our insecurities, our sensibilities, our judgments, and so on.

We might, at these times, contemplate questions such as ‘what are the assumptions we are making about the other person and their intent’? Is it because ‘the truth hurts’? Is it because the other person’s view is not only offensive but also, hurtful, clever, insightful? Is it the resentment we feel? Or, are there other reasons that keep us off balance and not able to discern why we make the other person wrong.

This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog invites you to consider a time you felt offended by something another person said and you realize your view might or might not have been ‘right’.

• What is/was the situation?
• To what do/did you find yourself feeling offended?
• What else was offensive, if anything,  considering for example, what was said, how it was said, when it was said etc.?
• What are three other words that explain your reaction besides offended?
• What made you right in this situation – if that’s what you thought and felt?
• In what ways were you not right?
• What might have offended the other person including what you said or did or how it was said or done?
• If the other person was ‘right’ in what ways was that the case?
• What might the other person attribute to you considering your reaction to them?
• What might the other person have said or done such that you would not have felt offended? What might you have said or done differently?
• What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
• What insights do you have now that you didn’t have before you answered these questions?