TWO THINGS THAT ARE VERY HARD TO SAY ARE WORCESTERSHIRE AND ‘I WAS WRONG’!
Not much happens when we or someone else mispronounces the word Worcestershire other than some laughs and attempts to correct someone or ourselves and say it properly. In fact, funny memes and snippets of people trying to say this word abound on social media. But saying the words “I was wrong “ is also very hard for many people and the response is likely to be far from laughing. More likely the receiver would feel grateful, relieved and often surprised.
The reality is interpersonal conflicts can spin out of control and create lingering tension because one or more people in the dispute will not take responsibility for their wrongdoing that hurt, disappointed and offended the other person(s) and utter those three words – “I was wrong”!
In my conflict work, as a mediator and as a conflict management coach, I repeatedly hear and observe how difficult it is for many people to admit their mistakes and missteps. I’ve thought a lot about what makes it challenging for so many and I typically, engage my coaching clients in conversations about this very thing to see what reasons they might suggest and, what awarenesses may arise by discussing what happened.
In no specific order, common insights and reflections (some stated – some gleaned) I have heard include the following: shame to admit wrongdoing, a need to be right and ‘win’ and make the other person wrong (at some level of consciousness), resistance to letting go of a firmly-held position, embarrassment, fear of the other person’s reaction, pride, losing face, ego, and other reasons. Some people of course, do not believe they did or said something wrong and may blame the other person and their sensibilities. Some say they have no idea why they won’t admit to the other person that they did or said something wrong even when they own that they did. In this regard, it is evident that some realize they have a pattern of holding onto what they are asserting rather than ‘giving in’ by admitting they are wrong.
This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog invites you to consider a current interpersonal dispute in which saying “I was wrong” is difficult for you – in a situation when you know you were.
- What is the dispute about?
- What did you say or do that you know was wrong in that interaction?
- In what ways do you think you were you right?
- How did/does your wrong acts or words impact the other person? How are they impacting you?
- What are the possible reasons you will not admit you were wrong? (considering the list in the above blog for possible reasons)
- What do you suppose the other person might think your reasons are?
- What fears might you have about saying, “I was wrong”
- What do you lose by admitting you were wrong? What might you gain?
- What’s the worst case scenario if you say “I was wrong” to the other person in your conflict?
- What’s the best-case scenario?
- What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
- What insights do you have now that you didn’t have before you answered these questions?
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