HOW WELL DO YOU MANAGE MISUNDERSTANDINGS?
“Good relationships do not depend on whether we understand the other person. They depend on how well we manage our misunderstandings.” (author unknown)
It could happen on any day – for any number of reasons – that we find ourselves engaged in a misunderstanding in which we negatively react to something another person says or does. Or, someone negatively reacts to something we say or do.
Sometimes it’s clear what offends us. Sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes it’s clear we offended the other person and why and sometimes it isn’t. We just know something bothers or upsets us or them at these times and we’re left feeling unsettled. Where we go in our minds (and hearts) reflects how we commonly process conflict and what we tend to think and feel – in varying degrees – at these times
Focusing on one of your interpersonal disputes in which you had a misunderstanding with a good friend (or family member or co-worker ), and reacted in ways you regret, this week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) suggests you take a minute to take stock of what you are experiencing right now in that regard.
You might be struggling to know how you could have responded differently or at all. Or, you may be having an internal debate about how to prepare yourself, in the future, when things start to derail. On the other hand, you may be wondering how to revisit the situation and make amends, clarify your intentions and so on.
To analyze these sorts of situations, this week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog invites you to consider a past dispute with someone with whom you usually have a good relationship and consider the following series of questions. Hopefully, they will provide some insights into ways to more effectively manage this sort of misunderstanding whether it is with them or someone else.
- What did the other person say or do that initiated or perpetuated the idea conflict between you and them?
- What did you say or do that contributed to or initiated the conflict?
- How might an onlooker describe what happened between you two – taking neither side – and looking at the interaction objectively? What might that observer suggest you could have done more effectively?
- If the conflict is something you experienced internally only (the other person wasn’t aware at the time of what they were saying or doing to upset you) how would you describe your experience?
- If the conflict was externalized such that the other person knew you were upset and reacted to you – how might you describe what they observed regarding the impact on you and your experience of the conflict?
- How might you describe what you observed about the other person and their reaction at that time?
- How did you manage the situation well at the time – whether or not it was externalized? What did you like most about how you managed the situation?
- If you weren’t happy with how you managed the situation what are the reasons for that?
- If the other person wasn’t happy with how you managed the situation what do you think they would have preferred that you said or did (if you haven’t already explained how in response to the previous question)?
- What would you like to improve upon most to ensure you manage misunderstandings more effectively?
- What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
- What insights do you have now that you didn’t have before you answered these questions?
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