REGRETS REFLECT OUR VALUES

This quote really resonated for me as a conflict management coach and personally, too. I have found it’s common when my clients and I look back on what we regret about our interpersonal conflicts there are often things we said or did that we wish we hadn’t. What we hear from the other person about our actions or communications that upset them may be the same as or different from what we regretted doing or saying. More to ponder! These sorts of ruminations stay with us though we are well aware we cannot take them back.

Daniel Pink’s quote here raises then, an important perspective – as it relates to our interpersonal conflicts – that is worth exploring what the lingering  angst might be about. Such an exploration urges us to become more observant of the ways we show up in our communications and to  consider whether we are staying aligned with our values and the person we strive to be. And, at the same time, this exploration urges us to remain aware of what may overwhelm us and even stop us from keeping them in mind. This is whether  we initiate a dispute, such as a potentially problematic conversation, and how we choose to respond to others who offend us.

Among other things then, we are beckoned, in our efforts to be true to ourselves, to step back and consider our fundamental values and how they are reflected in the ways we ensure we preserve rather than threaten our relationships.

With this in mind, this week’s  Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog invites you to bring to mind a conflict about which you have regrets.

• What happened in that conflict?
• What did you say or do (or not say or do) that you regret?
• If something other than your answer in the previous question triggered a negative reaction in the other person what seemed to set them off?
• What  impact did you observe on the other person?
• At the time, what seemed to motivate your actions or words ( or lack of them) that you now regret ?
• What emotions were you experiencing at the time?
• In that interaction, how was what you said or did (that upset the other person) out of alignment with your values or a specific value?  That is, which  value(s) were out of alignment?
• What might you have said  or done differently that would be more aligned with your own values ?
• What precluded your more preferred  words or actions?
• Which of the other person’s values  might you have undermined or challenged in that interaction? Which of your values might the other person have undermined
• What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
• What insights do you have now that you didn’t have before you answered these questions?