BREAKING TRUST
When I think about several of my close relationships that have broken down it seems that one of the main reasons has been due to the loss of trust- demonstrated in all sort of ways. This might be your experience, too. And, if so, you have likely found this to be a very sad realization that a strong connection you have valued deeply is deeply broken. This is whether the interpersonal relationship is with a partner, a friend, a family member, a co-worker, a boss and so on. No matter who it is or in what ways the betrayal is enacted by the other person the hurt is profound and the schism is irreparable.
Though loss of trust might end the relationship altogether, there are situations in which we try our best to rectify things, to look beyond the loss, to make excuses, to try to forgive, to rationalize, to take responsibility and a myriad of other ways we might cope and try to move on. However, for many the loss is too hard to reconcile and even when, for all intents and purposes, we might make amends it is often the case that things are different from it was and remain irreconcilable at some level of our consciousness. We may even continue to reel from the person’s actions that cut us so deeply; we might remain or become increasingly suspicious about the other’s honesty; we may develop grudges that taint our interactions with the person; we may blame ourselves and wonder about our naivety, lack of judgement, awareness; we may mourn the loss indefinitely and so on.
This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog invites you to consider a conflict in which someone broke your trust:
- What was the situation including what the other person said or did that broke the trust between you?
- How would you describe the impact on you at the time?
- How did you handle this situation when you faced that trust was broken?
- How are handling the situation in the present?
- What’s the same about the relationship? What’s different if it is continuing?
- What do you wish you had said to the other person that you didn’t?
- In what ways are you blaming yourself if you are? If you are blaming yourself in these ways (these ways), what do you think you are gaining from doing so?
- What are you doing about the situation and relationship now?
- What might moving forward look like/be i.e., away from the relationship, in the relationship but with some caveats etc.)
- What might help you move forward in the way you would describe?
- What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
- What insights do you have now that you didn’t have before you answered these questions?
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