REALITY: SOME CONFLICTS ARE JUST NOT RECONCILABLE!
Interpersonal conflicts are part of life, and we can resolve them if we put our minds to it
Some interpersonal conflicts are irreconcilable
As much as we might want to resolve our interpersonal conflicts there’s no shame in facing the fact that some situations and relationships are not reconcilable. And even when there appears to be a resolution of our differences, it doesn’t mean we are at peace – internally.
In many conflicts I hear about from my coaching clients , and in my own experience, there is the palpable need, desire, hope or the expectation that matters will be resolved – whether it’s with a partner, co-worker , boss, direct report, neighbour, friend and so on. In some cases though clients realize and I myself have faced the reality that the wound being experienced is too deep to be mended, that the relationship is beyond repair, that the connection has been lost. This may be as a consequence of the extent to which deep values are being undermined, or that the other person’s betrayal is too egregious, or that their treatment of us is totally unacceptable and many other such reasons.
It doesn’t mean we accept this reality with ease, of course. We may spend time and energy trying to make things right, take on the responsibility of the breakdown in the relationship, engage in self-blame and otherwise put our energy into salvaging what has been lost.
This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog invites you to consider a dispute you are in and questioning whether it is really reconcilable, and even whether that is the hope – any longer.
- What happened between you and the other person?
- What do you think makes things irreconcilable between you two?
- What were you hoping the outcome might be?
- What, if anything, do you want to preserve from the relationship?
- What are you realizing you don’t want from the relationship anymore?
- What do you want to feel about yourself that you don’t feel right now?
- What might the biggest loss be for you if things remain irreconcilable?
- What will you gain if things cannot be reconciled?
- What might the biggest loss be for the other person?
- What will you think about yourself – if you decide things are not reconcilable – that will give you peace?
- What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
- What insights do you have now that you didn’t have before you answered these questions?
Join Us
