IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE GOING
“If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.” Lewis Carroll
This quote applies to just about anything really but, this week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog is all about those inter-relational disputes that seem to be sustaining themselves on something unidentifiable – with no resolution in sight. Negative feelings linger and the relationship is strained and the unrest and tension simmers. At these times there is also a knowing sense of incompletion that can add to that tension and create even more.
There aren’t clear reasons to explain every unresolved dispute. It might be things that were said that sting deeply and the sting sticks; it may be things that weren’t said that needed to be said; it may be the realization that the relationship is suffering with no idea of what will help reconcile things; and it may be the reality that the relationship is beyond repair. These and other reasons can keep the conflict alive in its own way and the sense that reconciliation does not feel possible. These things weigh heavily and have an impact on our day to day lives.
Another reason that conflicts can continue to maintain their hold is that one or both (all) people have no real idea of what they are feeling about the dispute, what they want to have happen, what will change the road they are on, what changes would reconcile matters, or at least find a way to feel less angst about the conflict dynamic and the mess remaining behind. With no idea how things may get reconciled or a way to alleviate the pain and move forward nothing happens. So, it’s a matter of finding the road.
For the set of questions here I invite you to consider a dispute that is lingering, and you are feeling lost with no plan of how to make things better.
- What is the dispute about?
- What remains unresolved for you?
- What is that feeling like for you?
- What do you suppose remains unresolved for the other person?
- What do you suppose they are experiencing about the conflict?
- What would you like to see happen? What makes that important to you?
- What do you think the other person wants to have happen? What makes that important to them do you think?
- What common ground do you two share in regards to this conflict?
- What sort of plan can you think of that will start the journey to reconciling your differences?
- What may need to happen to make the plan mutually satisfactory if you want it to be?
- What clarity do you need to have to move forward? What do you need to feel to move forward? What do you need to do?
- What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
- What insights do you have now that you didn’t have before you answered these questions?
Join Us
