WHAT DIDN’T WORK OUT
In our efforts to maintain good relationships with friends and family there are times we might begin to wonder whether it is a healthy and sustainable relationship. And this week’s Conflict mastery Quest(ions) blog focuses on when we determine a relationship isn’t working out. (Another blog will consider when someone else ends the relationship.)
What we each deem a healthy relationship will, of course, vary among us. It may be one that nourishes and energizes us and that makes us feel supported. It may be one in which we feel mutual respect, caring and love. It may be one in which we trust the other person will be “there” for us- that we can count on their help if need be (in whatever form is important to us). It may be one in which we trust ourselves – to be who we authentically are without screens or pretense. It may be one in which we are confident that we can share our secrets without being judged.
These and other factors that fuel what we consider our solid relationships are ones that are hardest to let go of. We work hard to maintain them even in the face of the clues that question how solid they really are, and then, we begin to wonder whether the relationship is good for us. Maybe, we experience or sense values in these same people that we don’t respect, that are offensive and contrary to how we live; maybe, they are mean and treat us poorly – in ways that continually hurt us; maybe, we start to lose trust in them.
When variables such as these or others continue to plague us we may wonder whether the relationship is one we want to maintain. We might internally fight the notion that ending the relationship is better for us than trying to keep it going. Confusion might immobilize us. We aren’t sure what is best and part of us might realize things will work out better for us if things don’t work out between the other person and us.
This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog invites you to consider a relationship that didn’t work out for you and you ended it.
- What are the factors that made that relationship feel solid to you? What made that person particularly special over time?
- What sorts of things did the other person say or do when you began to question the strength of the relationship?
- What made those things especially difficult for you to experience?
- What impact did those things have on you?
- What happened for you when you ended the relationship? (What was the experience like for you? How did the other person react to you? etc.)
- In your heart and mind if you knew it was better for you to end the relationship what continues to bother you?
- What are you missing most about the other person now?
- It takes courage to end relationships that were once solid, in what ways did your courage show up? How about now – how are you demonstrating courageousness?
- Though things didn’t work out with the other person what has worked out for you having ended the relationship, in any case?
- What have you learned about yourself that is important to you and your personal well-being when it comes to your relationships?
- What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
- What insights do you have now that you didn’t have before you answered these questions?
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