Measured Responses in Conflict
This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog considers that we do not always respond with grace and dignity – and we wish afterwards we had – when we are engaged in interpersonal disputes. Rather, at these times we often react and say things we regret. We, in so many words, step out of the person we want to be, and even get in our own way of trying to mend matters. For instance, having offended the person on the receiving end of our wrath, our overtures to resolve the dispute can often be experienced as too little too late, or even too soon!
Measuring responses in conflict – the title of this blog – refers to taking time to contemplate how and when to initiate the sort of conversation that will have a better chance of being effective. Measured then, means our response is careful, deliberate and well thought out.
For the questions below, consider a conflict situation that you want to mend with a measured approach – one in which you reacted in a counterproductive way.
- What was the situation?
- What did you say that you regret? How did you interact?
- What led you to say that and in that way (in reference to the previous question)?
- As you think about it more now, what was important to you about getting your point across?
- What is the reconciliation message you want to give now?
- How will you “be” when you deliver this message?
- What will you be most measured about (careful, deliberate and thoughtful) in your words?
- How will you be most careful, deliberate and thoughtful in the presentation of your message?
- What, for you, will be the measurement that will reflect your success at the reconciliation message?
- What do you think will be the measurement of your message’s success for the other person?
- What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
- What insights do you have?
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