What Do You Need About a Conflict?
It is often the case that we do not realize we have a need that is not being met in a conflict situation. We may have trouble identifying it or articulating it once identified. Or, we have trouble conveying the impact on us of the unmet need.
The thing is, it is common in our interpersonal disputes that one of the things that precipitates a conflict is that we need and want something from the other person that she or he is not delivering on. For instance, we might be angry at another person for constantly interrupting us and our need is for them to listen to us, to respect our view, to stop pushing their point, to be more courteous and so on. Of course, the unmet needs for each of us will vary depending on the situation and what is being raised based on our values, beliefs, hopes and expectations.
This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog invites you to consider an interpersonal dispute currently brewing in your life and see if the following questions help to process it, including the unmet need.
- What is the conflict about?
- What is the other person saying or doing, or not saying or doing, that is provoking you?
- What do you need from the other person that she or he is not delivering on? Which of your values does that reflect?
- What would the other person say you are saying or doing, or not saying or doing, that is provoking her or him?
- What might the other person need from you that you aren’t delivering on? Which of her or his values might that reflect?
- How might you get your need fulfilled?
- How do you distinguish what you need and what you want from the other person in this matter?
- How might the other person get her or his need met?
- What might it take for both you and the other person to get your needs met in this matter?
- If that doesn’t appeal to you as an outcome, what else does besides your starting point?
- What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
- What insights do you have?
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