Conflict Resilience
The aftermath of conflict is fraught with ongoing tension for many. Even when a situation is resolved, it is common that residual feelings and thoughts prevail. Hurt, anger, disappointment, and other emotions that linger reflect unresolved needs for which blame and criticism and other negative reactions may remain. Some people are plagued by wish-statements like: “I wish I had said…”; or “I wish I hadn’t…” Sometimes, the afterthought and feelings overwhelm and preclude any semblance of resolution or reconciliation that had appeared as outcomes.
A questionnaire CINERGY® designed on the subject of resilience provides a self-assessment on this subject. It is called the Conflict Resilience Quotient (CRQ) and this week’s ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) blog invites readers to check out your conflict resilience by completing the form below.
| After most interpersonal conflicts, I usually tend to: | Less More
True True |
| Recover quickly and do not worry, agonize or stay preoccupied about what the other person said or did that offended me. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| Forgive and do not bear a grudge about the other person and what s/he said or did. Or if I am not ready to forgive yet, I don’t let the interaction weigh me down. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| Reflect on what I learned from the conflict that will help me manage future disagreements. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| Reach out to make amends with the other person, or talk out and clarify our differences. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| Take responsibility for my part of the conflict and consider what I may have done differently. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| Not share my side of the situation with others in self-serving and distorted ways. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| Feel hopeful that things will be better and consider how I will try to contribute positively to this happening. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| Move on and not see myself as a victim or feel sorry for myself. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| Not continue to perceive the other person in negative ways. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| Not gossip about and bad-mouth the other person to others. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| Identify what may have been important to the other person that I did not realize before. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| Apologize for my part of the conflict. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| Have a better appreciation for and understanding of the other person’s perspective on the issues, even if I don’t agree with it. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| Not criticize, blame myself or engage in other self-deprecating behaviors about what I did or said (or didn’t say or do). | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| Let go of blaming the other person for what s/he did or said (or didn’t say or do). | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| Total: |
Scoring Key
15-39 Hmmm…I guess you already know you are not conflict resilient and coaching is highly recommended.
40-54 Your conflict resilience quotient is low and conflict coaching is recommended.
55-69 You are conflict resilient with a few areas that could use some work to strengthen your skills even more.
70-75 You are definitely conflict resilient!
Feel free to share you further thoughts regarding what constitutes resilience when it comes to conflict in the Comment section below.
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