art work by John Ceprano
CINERGY (tm) - Peacebuilding... one person at a time

Self-Care When In Conflict

When we are in conflict with another person we often lose our internal balance. This may occur whether or not we externalize our feelings and thoughts. Internal impact may be apparent when self-limiting beliefs kick in, or we worry and agonize at great length about what is happening. Negative emotions may take over – about the other person and ourselves. We may tend to blow things out of proportion. Tears may come easily or sit on the edge of our eyes. We may lose sleep, feel tense, criticize ourselves and feel at a loss to understand what’s happening to us.

Taking care of ourselves in these moments when our equilibrium is off kilter is so important. However, these are times when it’s likely that we do not have the wherewithal to consider what will help us feel better. By not figuring out how to care for ourselves at these times, we can perpetuate a cycle of self-blame or fault-finding or both. None of these reactions of course, helps us understand the dynamic, or to move on and learn from the interaction.

This week’s blog asks ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) that are meant to encourage self-care when in conflict. Consider a situation in which increased self-care may have helped you cope better:

  • What do the words ‘self-care’ mean to you?
  • How do you usually take care of yourself? How were you not using self-care in the situation you have in mind (i.e. what were you doing that was not caring for yourself at that time)?
  • How may you take care of yourself about the situation you have in mind?
  • What do you want to feel about the situation and the other person that is something to aim for?
  • What do you want to feel about yourself?
  • What limiting beliefs are getting in your way?
  • What beliefs can you replace those with that will serve you better?
  • What are three things you hope or wish for yourself as you think about managing this conflict situation effectively?
  • What do those hopes or wishes say about what is important to you and could help you in your self-care?

Please feel free to suggest other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions).

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